Thursday, January 22, 2009

Life is better with a little drama in it.

[title quote from Scott Nilsson]

I've jokingly said that my quarter-life crisis and my biological clock are at war. And neither side has been gaining much ground for the past several years. So many people I know are having babies, or are pregnant, or are trying, or whatever. It makes me look longingly at those cute bundles of joy and want one of my own. It also reminds me that my ever-so wonderful plan to have 3 kids, one when I'm 25, one when I'm 27, and one when I'm 29 is almost foiled. I have 9 days to get pregnant if that plan is to be set in motion. 

Not gonna happen. Okay, maybe. I'm not one to say never. But, highly unlikely. 

What is my quarter-life crisis, you ask? What is anyone's quarter-life crisis? "What am I DOING with my life?" My deep down goal of working in theatre has taken the back burner as I play the rat race at the 9-5 gig. It's been almost 3 years since I've been on a stage.

But no more. I've auditioned for a play, and I'm going to do it! I've heard, unofficially, that I've been cast as one of the leads! 

I didn't realize how much I really missed it. I knew that I love theatre, and that I missed it a lot, but when I got onto that stage last night to audition, I felt at home. I was excited getting into the characters' heads. I was thrilled when the audience laughed. I felt like I was doing something right—even in the middle of completely losing my place and having to stop the whole scene to find it again. No, this doesn't pay. No, it doesn't mean I can quit my day job. But it's a step. My quarter-life crisis is taking its step into first place. I've got great plans for my quarter-life crisis. 

And if my biological clock decides to rise to the challenge, maybe my wonderful husband will watch the kids while I have rehearsal! 

Thursday, January 8, 2009


I'm a quote person. I like to collect quotes. I've even found a useful purpose for my 500 business cards that I never use - I've been writing quotes on the back of them, and keeping them to read every now and then. I like funny quotes that only make sense in context, and take me back to a memory, or poignant quotes that make you think. And I get hung on quotes, too. I'll find one I like and live with it for awhile. I was living with this one from Mary Anne Radmacher: "Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow."'

I recently read both The Shack and the Kite Runner. Both good books, interesting theology in the first, though not as life shattering to me as to others, I suppose. I agreed with most of it already. The Kite Runner, however was a challenging story. It was good, but hard to live with. However, I think I learned more about forgiveness from the Kite Runner than I did from the Shack, simply because of one quote from the Kite Runner. The narrator, Amir, is talking about his father, with whom his relationship was eternally strained. He says:

"I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night."

My adaptability strength enables me to move on quickly from emotional injuries. I find it hard, even, to hold a grudge when someone has wronged me. But I'm realizing that I much more easily hold a grudge against people who indirectly hurt me - those who hurt someone close to me, and cause me pain through association. Namely, an experience my mother had, which I haven't talked about here, and the Tennessee Conference's most recent experience with their Children and Youth coordinators. Neither of these directly affected me or my daily routine. But they affected people I love, and I find that I have a hard time letting go of that anger and resentment, even years later. 

So, this new quote has caught my soul. I'm going to live with it for awhile. We've studied forgiveness twice in Sunday school, and both times, I think we were looking for the fanfare. What makes it come? What starts the parade? But I think there is truth here: "pain... slipping away unannounced." And when we try to hold on to that pain, it's hard for us to even acknowledge when it's gone. 

Thursday, January 1, 2009

One Little Word

Check out this post.

I'm a word person. Probably why I try to blog. I used to have a journal...still do, kinda. But I believe in the power of words. The written word, the spoken word.

I was enticed into choosing a word last year. My word was {content}. I was struggling with the present. So many people, I think, have trouble focusing on the present, always wanting to live in the past. For me, I have trouble with the future. I completely understand that the past is past, and while we can learn from it, there's not much we can do about it. I don't hold a's almost (almost) impossible for me to do that. I have a really bad memory. The past is...past. But I struggle with living in the future. I have plans, dreams, and I spend way too much time focusing on how I want things to turn out or what I want to happen.

So, for 2008, I thought content would be a good word for me. An attempt to focus on the present, being content with where I was and what I was doing. I was feeling in a rut - I wasn't too pleased with lots of things in our life, and kept looking for things to change. And I realized that I really needed to stop and just be where I was at the time, and quit trying to change things or figure out what God had in store for our future.

So content it was. I even bought a little 5x7 artist's canvas to paint my word on and keep in my office. Here's what I did with it:

Haha...yeah, it didn't even come out of the package. Good thing, I guess, 'cuz now I can use it for this year's word!

And what might this year's word be? I'm still mulling it over slightly. I did some brainstorming:

I'm thinking that I still need something that coveys the present. While I lived with {content} I never really did anything with it. But I think I'm past that word. So many things changed last year, and though I didn't do anything creative with that word, I really feel like I found contentedness.

So, this year, I'm thinking something along the lines of {listen} or {silent}. Or maybe both. I love how those two words are made up of the same letters. They are so different, yet so related. And I feel like this is a year to listen. To be silent and take in what's going on around me. I often speak too soon, and don't have the patience to understand before responding. And I've always been enthralled by their connectedness (input...). Can my one little word actually be two? I think it's my word(s) and I can choose whatever I want!

Are you choosing a word? Even if you don't do anything with it...what one little word can make a difference in your life this year?