Truth

So, gavin posted this quote on his blog from another website: "Truth comes from being involved, and not from observation and speculation."

The first thing that came to my mind was the quote from our bishop: "this is not a vision, this is just an observation."

And I wonder how different our conference would be if our bishop was actually involved in youth and children's ministry, instead of just observing, and telling others what to do.

And I wonder what I only observe, and try to speak truth to, without actually being involved. What am I involved in? For so long, I was completely involved in youth ministry - as a youth. And then I was completely involved as a college student in my college. But I feel now that I'm not really involved in anything. I'm not devoted to anything. I feel almost guilted into everything I'm doing - none of it is by choice. I work because I have to make money, not because I enjoy what I'm doing. I sing because I have a good voice and have been made to feel a sense of responsibility about that, not because I want to be involved in choirs. I even scrapbook out of a sense of responsibility to make money and provide an avenue for getting more supplies. I haven't actually made a scrapbook page for myself in at least six months.

So, without being involved, to what can I speak truth? And am I supposed to become involved in the things I'm already doing, or do I need to find new things that I'm passionate about to become involved in? And what would those things be?

Maybe my goal for the rest of this year will be to become truly involved in something, so that I may speak truth.

What are you involved in? What can you speak truth about? And not just what do you do...what are you passionate about? Everyone should have something, whatever it may be.

It Begins Today!

Well, actually yesterday, but the actual business of our conference starts today. I'm so proud of my conference for setting up wireless in the church where we're meeting!

The biggest thing to me to come up this week will be our petition regarding the Programming Positions of the Conference. Since it's a resolution, we don't know when it will come up, but I'll be sure to post when it does!

So far this morning, we've had the report of the Standing Rules Committee, and are now on the CF&A report. Interesting to note...we had to suspend the standing rules so that we could hear the report of the Standing Rules because they didn't get their report in on time. We have a rule that reports have to be in at a particular time to be included in the Pre-Conf. Journal (or Pre-Conf. CD this year), and they didn't make it. Ha! I just thought that was kind of funny. Evidently that will be happening a lot.

27 Dresses

So i finally saw 27 Dresses this morning! I know, I'm behind the times. It was worth the wait, though. I thought it was a really good movie - unpredictable in a predictable kind of way, you know? In watching the commentary, the director said that they wanted to do a character driven movie, as opposed to the standard love triangle, what obstacles can the over come usual bit. I did think the story line was good. Of course, it's cliche - the always a bridesmaid never a bride who's in love with the man who she can't tell and watches him fall in love and get married to none other than her sister. But there was a lot of reality in there. Though i did get married young, I do understand the feeling of being the one left out - I think all girls are born with it.

Unpredictable - like I didn't see things coming, but then when they happened, I thought, well, of course that's how it was going to happen. Like when Jane and Kevin finally get together, and the next day she sees the article he wrote about her. Of course that's how it was going to happen. But I wasn't waiting for it to happen, you know?

There were a lot of really good one-liners, too, ones that you've never heard before, which was refreshing. I mean, most one liners are good, but almost staged, kind of. They seem too forced. But the good ones in this movie were just right. I think my favorite was the one Jane told her sister in the bridal shop - yesterday you were my sister, but today you're just another bitch who broke my heart and cut up my mother's wedding dress. It's one of those lines that just doesn't fit in any situation, but applies to everything.

And I thought it was perfect that at her wedding, she had all 27 former brides lined up in the dresses she'd worn to their weddings next to her! Classic! I thought it was hilarious. My sis got teary-eyed, and I can understand that, it was very sweet. She'd always known they'd be there for her one day, just as she'd been there for them, and they were. But it was also poetic justice, and a perfect way to end the movie. And, by the way, did anyone catch in the "credits," which were newspaper stories about their wedding, the ad for 27 dresses for sale, only worn twice?!

Overall, cute movie. And, I'm excited about my second chic flic of the week coming up on Friday - Sex and the City! Saw my first episode of the show on Saturday, and within a week, I'll know the whole story! I sure do love my sister. :-)

Recovering

So...surgery went well yesterday. I had to wait a really long time, which was a bummer because the longer I waited, the more nervous I got. They wanted me there 2 hours early, and it took 45 minutes to get ready - so I had an hour and fifteen minutes to lay in the bed, waiting. They thought I might go early, but that didn't pan out.

But, once they actually did take me, everything went well. I had some sort of reaction to something - I turned pink and splotchy, and I don't what I reacted to, maybe some medicine or the sheets or something. It wasn't a big deal...I don't think! :-)

And now I'm home, resting, for one whole blissful week! I'm very excited about my time of rest. My mom's taking care of me this weekend. (She's such a good nurse!) Then next week it'll be back to me and the boys (the hubby and the dog, that is).

Just wanted to update you all. Thanks for the love and care everyone's sent my way!

Why I Do What I Do.

I had a conversation with some friends yesterday about our UMC conferences. There were a couple of people there who were saying they would never want to go to General or Jurisdictional conference because of all the politics, that the didn't think they could deal with it, that kind of stuff just wasn't what they'd want to do with their time, and that Annual Conference was bad enough. One person said, specifically, "there's a reason I don't go" and my response was "there's a reason I do." That prompted one of my pastors to ask me, why do you go?

Hmm...why do I go?

I'm invested in this church thing, more so than really anything else in my life, with the exception of my marriage/family. One of my strengths is Connectedness. So a connectional church is right up my alley. But I don't like the way we do things in the church right now. I think we are WAY too political, and like the culture around us, we have ceased to listen, collectively, for the voice of God. We all have our agendas - even me, as I discovered that about myself at this year's GC. But there's got to be a greater good we are all seeking.

I talked in a previous post about that experience I had, where I made the choice to stick with the church, to involve myself so deeply into it to work to change it for the better. When I attended my first Jurisdictional Conference, the way I explained it to people when I got back home was that it was a democratic convention where we prayed. And our prayers during the worship services were generally the only time we collectively asked God to be present, and sought God's guidance. We didn't pray during the business sessions. We usually didn't pray before taking a vote, unless someone from the floor asked us to, which usually only happened when things were getting heated.

And the language used! Who's going to "win" the "episcopal race"? Our "candidate" is better than theirs. Our "campaign" is going well. Our "publicity" is the best we've seen.

What about this? "We have open hearts, open minds, and are listening to the voice of God to lead us to the person God has called to this office. It may be this person who comes from our Conference, or it may be that person who comes from that other conference, but we are going to listen with faithful ears and pray for God's guidance in this process."

So...why do I do this? So that i can at least be one voice and mind who is saying that statement above. And because I truly believe God has called me to do it. God has given me a connectedness strength, which gives me a desire to understand this crazy political system we have created. God has given me an intuitive mind to see beyond the pomp and circumstance to what the process could actually be. So I go, and I serve, and I do what it is that God has called me to do at this point. And I look for those opportunities to share God's spirit in the process, to remind others why we are really there. And I learn from others who have much more experience so that I may be knowledgable. And it makes a difference. Even when i don't see it, even when I get so upset because I think nothing will ever change, I know that God speaks through me. I do believe my one vote and my one voice makes a difference.

Random Thoughts

Gavin posted on the methoblog (http://www.methoblog.com/?q=node/140) that he liked what I did during GC. That's encouraging! I really am going to try to keep this up...I promise! Here's the problem - access to blogger at work doesn't always work that well, for instance, right now I don't have access to set up weblinks (hence the pasted address above as opposed to the natural link it usually is...), and spell check doesn't work (sorry for the many mispellings to come...) so trying to blog during breaks and in between switching gears isn't always that easy. I miss the wonderful wireless from the convention center in Fort Worth...ahh, the good old days.

Anywho. In an effort to keep going, I'll simply share what's on my mind right now: surgery. We'll get there.

I find it so interesting that I'm able to segment my life. A characteristic of my generation is that we DON'T segment our lives, as many of our elders have done for generations. I really segment it into two: work and everything else. Maybe it comes from not particularly enjoying what I'm doing right now, but I've drawn a line and I work, usually subconsciously, to keep the two separate. I rarely take work home, and I don't talk about it much outside of work unless someone asks. I'm in a different mind at work, I guess, focused on what I'm doing there, focused on the problems I encounter, focused on just keeping afloat in our dreaded schedule. And maybe it comes from my sincere desire to not be negative about my job to "outsiders" - those outside the people I work with, who understand, and immediate family, who may not understand but are at least sympathetic. I swore I would not bad-mouth my job in a public forum, lest it come back to haunt me when/as I search for a new job. I struggle for the balance among constructive criticism, anguish, and down-right vilification.

And so, when I'm at work, I don't think about "the outside world" much. And when I'm in the bless-ed outside world, I don't think about work.

Until this past week.

I have gallstones. (Yea! from the peanut gallery) And next Friday, I will be having my gallbladder removed. And all of a sudden, personal life and work life are coliding. I have to fill out short-term disability forms (affectionately called STD forms...isn't that lovely). I have to talk to my boss about personal matters, working schedules around my personal schedule. It's just a little strange. And, with gallstones, I've got this ever-present nagging annoyance (I wouldn't even call it pain) in my gut, bringing the two worlds together. It's a very interesting place to be.

Response to Brokenness #1

There is so much more to say regarding my previous post. Please don't see it as an all-encompassing description of my feelings on the matter. It's just the words I can muster at this moment.

Continuing the brokenness, and working to mend, I recalled this poem I'd seen a few weeks back - it's present and linked to on several blogs, but this is the one I could find. It's not one of the most well written poems I've ever read. But I'm beginning to understand that I'm not the only one who can't always find the best or most eloquent words to describe my relationship with the church.